Promises to the dying: in hospice and in life, the need to be realistic

By Ron King

Live out your deepest devotion with the courage of remaining in the moment and choosing to love through each day with the best you have to give.

A friend of mine promised her husband that she would never marry again so they could be together forever because that was his wish and he was dying.  Three days later he died when he was 41 and she was 39.  Today she is 64 and still single.  No one can question the loyalty or sacrifice of another, but we do need to test our own readiness and ability to make final vows and keep them.

Intimacy at End-of-Life: It should be talked about

By Patty Ayers

Anybody who knows me knows that I love to talk.

In fact, there have been times after a visit with a hospice family that I have said to myself, “Boy, I wish that I would have listened more to the patient or caregiver.”  The reason I bring this up is during a recent visit with a male patient I was left speechless. This was the first time that a patient had expressed his frustrations at wanting and needing intimacy from his partner.  He was not sure how and if he should broach this issue with his partner and asked me for some assistance.

Timing is everything: End-of-life care decisions are as much about the psychological need as the physical one

By: Valerie S. Hartman RN, CTRN

Sarah raised three children alone 50 years ago. She had few reliable support systems for child rearing. One child had special needs, escalating Sarah’s protective instincts during many difficult years before she remarried. At age 76 she remained the parent and primary caregiver to her adult special needs child, and she had no plans to use institutional care.

Sarah became seriously ill and signed onto hospice services after exhausting all options for a curative treatment. She signed onto hospice only when she felt herself weaken, when her ability to take care of her daughter started failing.

The Circle of Life: Caring for a parent on hospice

By Lorraine Thayer, RN, APN

Many of us have been lucky enough to have someone in our lives who loves us unconditionally.  For many of us it is a parent. The illness and decline of a parent brings with it a host of challenges and opportunities. The challenges emerge when caring for ourselves and our families while at the same time caring for a parent we know we will be loosing soon. Opportunities will appear for healing old wounds and creating lasting memories. Feelings of stress, anxiety, anger, helplessness are coupled with great love and desire to help your loved one during this difficult time.

Finding meaning in the last day of life…

by Valerie Hartman

This holiday season, as our own hospice team makes visits in our community, we are particularly attentive to families losing loved ones on or near the actual date of a holiday.

Hospice workers carry a humble respect for the feelings that come with holiday loss.

Whether death occurs on a holiday or not, it is often common for the death date, the time of death, or the circumstances around the moment  of death, to signify a meaning that is personal and symbolic to the family.

The silent world of speech therapy in hospice

By Maggie Vescovich, SLP

In a world of many different voices and languages, there is yet another world where people live, a world where they’ve lost their ability to communicate as they once did. As a speech therapist, it is a special privilege to be consulted to see individuals on hospice care, to be a part of that person’s life at a time where they, and their loved ones, particularly desire to maintain a sense of closeness, communication, and connection for as long as possible.

What is hospice reflexology?

By Valerie Hartman

My hospice, Holy Redeemer Hospice, has a team of complementary therapy nurses who use their skills in a variety of ways to help patients with symptoms, and to help caregivers cope with stress.  This nursing team can provide sessions using massage, reflexology, healing touch, and aromatherapy.

The complementary therapy nurses all like to teach about the simplest forms of touch that can help connect caregivers to their loved ones during difficult times. They also like to teach about the clinical benefits (symptom relief) for patients and caregivers under stress.  Since teaching is such a big part of what nurses do in their role, I want to use this opportunity to blog about one bodywork therapy that is designed to relieve and restore most everyone enduring stressful times in a healthcare crisis:  reflexology.  Reflexology was designed to bust stress.

Knowing what to expect during the dying process

By Terre Mirsch 

Last week we talked about how to be with the dying and the discomfort that we sometimes feel when we shift our focus from one of “doing for” to one of “being with.” Lack of understanding regarding what to expect during the dying process often leads to fear and anxiety—both of which may get in the way of our ability to be fully present with our loved one. While death can occur suddenly, those with progressive illness typically experience the dying process as a series of predictable changes that occur gradually over time, as the body slowly begins to shut down. Early changes may be so discreet that they are often missed by family or even medical professionals.

Playing the Cards We Are Dealt: Reflections of a Granddaughter

By Meghan Mirsch

Saying our last goodbyes to those deepest in our hearts is a day nobody hopes for. And, too often, we don’t take the opportunity to say a proper goodbye before it is too late. As Randy Pausch stated in his memoir The Last Lecture, “Time is all you have, and you may find one day that you have less than you think.”

When acting as a caregiver for a loved one or family member, especially under hospice, time seems to tick away faster than ever before. Plans once made become lost, the questions we never dared to ask remain unanswered, and we struggle to make every moment count at a time when there are so few moments left. But during these times, one thing we often overlook is opportunity—opportunity to create one last memory, opportunity to answer the questions we always had, and opportunity to say those last words to our loved ones we may never have had the chance to say before.

Say it now: With a loved one in hospice, don’t wait to share your feelings

by Ron King

Last night I watched “The Buddy Holly Story” at the Walnut Street Theater in Philadelphia. In the second act, we saw the exuberant joy of youth, passion of extreme fun, hope and fantastic music. No one on that stage in 1959 realized that in just a few hours three of the most talented and creative young musicians would die in a plane crash. From the audience I wanted to stand up and shout, “Don’t get on that plane!” We watched the replay of Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. Richardson (Big Bopper) singing their last song and sharing their last words on stage. They had no clue of what was to come so quickly and tragically. None of them had the opportunity to say goodbye to those they loved the most.