Hospice caregivers can give the gift of giving

By Ron King

As caregivers, we often focus on the care and gifts we are able to give.  Giving to a loved one during the last weeks and months of their life is a special privilege.  Preparing the last meal, offering the last drink of water and changing sheets for the last time fills the need we all have to feel useful, to make a difference.  It’s important to be able to offer a gift when we feel helpless against a disease that appears to be greater than our sincere prayers and the doctor’s strongest medicine.

If we find joy in giving when it seems there is so little we can do, how much more important is it for those who are dying to be able to give?

Expressions of gratitude on Thanksgiving Day

By Terre Mirsch

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

                                                                                                                        ~Melody Beattie

What is popularly commonly known as the first Thanksgiving was celebrated by the Pilgrims in Plymouth, Massachusetts after their first harvest in the New World in 1621. It became an annual tradition in 1863 when Abraham Lincoln proclaimed this national day of Thanksgiving, setting aside time for Americans to reflect on their blessings.

Giving Voice: Celebrating Pastoral Care Week

By Terre Mirsch

Last week, hospices nationwide honored the contributions of our dedicated hospice chaplains during the 27^th anniversary of Pastoral Care Week.  Pastoral Care Week provides opportunity to promote spiritual values as part of the healing process while inviting us to celebrate the work of spiritual caregivers.  This year’s theme, “Giving Voice,” reflects on both the giving and empowering roles of spiritual caregivers.

Getting better while on hospice

By Ron King

“Even if our bodies are breaking down on the outside, the person that we are on the inside is being renewed every day.”

2 Corinthians 4:16
Common English Bible

Hospice patients will often request prayer for healing. I always join their faith by praying with complete conviction that healing is possible. God is always pleased when we come with a vulnerable request for our deepest desires.

This is Your Life: Host a personal show during hospice

By Ron King

In 1948, the radio program “This is Your Life” was created and moved to TV in 1952.  Guests on the live broadcast were greeted by people from the past who had played a role in their lives along with fond memories, stories and words of appreciation.  This gift of recollection brought surprise, gratitude and joy to those being honored.  The choice of guests had nothing to do with age or health, but each had lived long enough to have a trail of friends with years of memories.  Sharing these intimate moments with a vast audience was possible through the medium of radio and TV, an element that added weight to the words spoken.

Hospice can provide the rest and freedom needed to reflect on what remains.  Conscious awareness that our time is limited helps us make the most of each day.  Gathering positive moments and rehearsing them one more time establishes the lessons learned and wisdom gained for future generations.   Taking time for a “This is Your Life” celebration opens the door for gratitude and hope, important resources in facing physical decline.

Say it now: With a loved one in hospice, don’t wait to share your feelings

by Ron King

Last night I watched “The Buddy Holly Story” at the Walnut Street Theater in Philadelphia. In the second act, we saw the exuberant joy of youth, passion of extreme fun, hope and fantastic music. No one on that stage in 1959 realized that in just a few hours three of the most talented and creative young musicians would die in a plane crash. From the audience I wanted to stand up and shout, “Don’t get on that plane!” We watched the replay of Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. Richardson (Big Bopper) singing their last song and sharing their last words on stage. They had no clue of what was to come so quickly and tragically. None of them had the opportunity to say goodbye to those they loved the most.

Forgiveness, reconciliation, and growth at end of life

By Terre Mirsch

Last week, my colleague Ron talked about the work of dying well, aptly describing the hard work we face when we know that our own or our loved one’s days are limited. This work involves physical, emotional, and spiritual milestones that define and shape the end of life experience. As caregivers, our own understanding of the work of the dying can support the opportunities our loved ones need for peaceful life closure. During my many years as a hospice nurse I have witnessed families take advantage of these opportunities, bringing value and meaning during life’s transitions.

The term “dying well”, a seeming oxymoron, was coined by Dr. Ira Byock, a palliative medicine specialist and professor at Dartmouth Medical School. In Dr. Byock’s work and in his book “Dying Well: Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life”, dying well refers to the potential for growth, reconciliation, love, and healing through the process of dying, and is carefully differentiated from the term good death, which is often limited in understanding and scope to management of pain and other symptoms.

Doing the hard work of dying well

by Ron King

As a chaplain, I often ask hospice patients, “What kind of work do you do?”   The first answer I often receive is “Nothing; I’m retired,” sometimes followed by a description of career details from earlier in life.  Thinking about previous job responsibilities, volunteer work, household or yard work becomes a pathway to the current work involved in dying well.

We can believe with conviction that as long as we have breath, there is work to do.  Although it isn’t the same work we did when we had greater strength and physical ability, the work we do near the end of life may be our greatest work.  I can never determine what the work is for another person, but we can be sure that we have the attention of loved ones and therefore the impact of our work can be great on those who are close to us.

Transformational caregiving during hospice

By Ron King

When Jake’s mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness, Jake and his wife Tina’s plans to separate were interrupted.

Just as Jake had found a place to live and was beginning to pack his things, it became clear that his mother could no longer stay in her own house and would require 24-hour care.  Tina and Jake decided to put their plans on hold and provide care for Jake’s mother.  Both Jake and Tina worked, but they were able to arrange their schedules so that one could always be home.  After just 2 weeks on hospice care, Tina was laid off from her job.  She then became the primary caregiver for Jake’s mother, Betty.

When life as we know it comes to an end, we search for words

By Ron King, Hospice Chaplain

LIFE is infinite.  Words are not.

As caregivers and hospice patients, we approach an inevitable end that comes on its own schedule. The words we use help us take the next step in that direction, connect with each other, and make some sense of what is happening.

When we realize that our words will always be inadequate to convey all we carry inside, we can use them more freely.